


What Boils Beneath.

by lin_the_bae_fong



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, But not explicit, Canon levels of violence, F/F, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Non-Explicit Sexual Content, barbarian jester, implied trans character, torture mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-18 19:49:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20197171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lin_the_bae_fong/pseuds/lin_the_bae_fong
Summary: Jester is angry, and she doesn't know how to handle the blood boiling beneath her skin. She wished Yasha was still there. Yasha would help.or.Jester takes a page out of Yasha's book and levels in Barbarian, but it hurts more than she expects.





	What Boils Beneath.

**Author's Note:**

> I marathon wrote this and I'm in a weird place rn so sorry if it's a little dark. Enjoy! *TERFS DONT INTERACT. YOUR SHIT COMMENTS WILL BE DELETED*

It had been 5 days since The Mighty Nein left Yasha behind in the King’s Cage, and if Jester was being honest, she wasn’t handling it well at all.

She felt a bubbling anxiety mixing with her blood as the Remorhaz razor teeth sunk into her torso and lifted her into the air. She could hear shouting, but it was incoherent over the rapid, drumming beat of her heart. She growled, and reached forward to send a pulse of necrotic energy down its throat. Jester immediately realized her regret as the veins burst and coated her in boiling blood that ate at her clothes and burned her skin. 

Jester heard a dull, rapid thudding above her that she could only assume was Beau beating her fists against the beast, and Jester closed her eyes and hoped Beau wasn’t being burned as badly as she was. 

_ I should’ve stayed home… _

The thought was replaced by the familiar feeling of being polymorphed, and Jester felt her body shift and morph and expand, before she’s dropped completely from the monster’s jaws. She went to yell in surprise but the sound warped through the length of her mammoth trunk, and  _ oh yes _ , now she was ready to do some damage.

But then she looked up, and she watched in horror as the monster flicked its head up and bit down on Beau’s torso. There was a second where Beau struggled, and then her body went limp in its grasp. Jester reared back to charge, trunk trumpeting in rage, but then there was a spray of rock and dust and snow and the creature was gone. 

_ Beau _ was gone. 

And Jester saw red. 

She turned to the baby monster and charged it, trampling it with her massive mammoth feet and goring into it with her tusks, until more of its blood was sizzling in the snow,  _ on her _ , than in its body. 

Jester ran back to Caleb, hoping she could convey that she wanted him to drop the spell. The point seemed to get across as suddenly she was her usual self. Fjord was pulling the monster back with the help of Caleb’s cats paw and her whip, and she heard Nott casting a spell. Jester got in position for a guiding bolt, that rage still burning deep in her gut, but then the monster dropped Beau from its jaws, and her best friend’s body crunched against the ground at the impact. 

Jester paused. She could heal Beau, and let the others take care of the creature, or she could just finish it now, and not have to worry about healing Beau anyway…

She felt that rage in her gut be replaced with something else, something colder. 

_ Fear _ .

With a low growl, she ran to Beau and cradled her torso against her body before pumping a fair amount of healing magic into her roommate, her best friend,  _ her... _ . Beau awoke suddenly and sucked in a deep, shuddering breath. Beau wheezed when she breathed, but it was better than not breathing at all. 

She was a cleric...but sometimes, maybe she wished she could hurt more than heal. 

Sometimes she wished she could hone that anger.

X-x-X

It’d been a day since the fight with the Remhoraz’s on the route to Uthodurn, and she was a little...concerned for herself, maybe. That anger she’d felt when she’d killed the monster, when she’d watched Caduceus get swallowed up, when she’d caught Beau throwing up behind a tree from pain, that  _ rage _ was still simmering just below the surface. 

They’d gotten to town and found an inn, and even after grabbing dinner, after dressing down for the night, after trying to speak to the traveler, that anger persisted. She was angry that the Traveler didn’t reply, just that familiar warmth. 

It wasn’t  _ enough _ .

Her pencil snapped between her fingers where she’d been aggressively drawing in her sketchbook. She hadn’t been paying attention to what she’d been drawing really, but now as she looked down, Yasha was glaring back at her. 

Dots of liquid dripped onto the drawing and smudged the charcoal, and it took a moment for Jester to realize it was her tears. 

“Jessie? What’s the matter?” Beau asked from where she was stretching on the wooden floor of the inn. Jester couldn’t find the will to reply, and simply shook her head and buried her face in her hands. Beau sat on the bed beside her, and Jester figured she saw the sketch as she wrapped her arms around her.

“ _ Oh,  _ Jessie…” Beau tucked Jester’s head under her chin. If Jester’s horns dug into her chest, Beau didn’t complain. Jester gave a shuddering sob and wrapped her own arms around Beau’s waist. “...I miss her, too.”

“I’m angry, Beau,” Jester sniffled and pulled her head away, “I’m angry and I don’t know what to do. I need...I need her back, Beau. I need her help.”

“Do you think that when we get her back, you’d still be angry after?” Beau asked.

“I think I’ve been really angry for a long time...I’ve been angry since the Iron Shepherds…”  _ tortured us _ , she finished in her head. She knew if she said the words aloud right now, she’d snap. She felt how Beau tensed under her touch though, and knew she understood. Beau inhaled deeply and ran her hand up and down Jester’s back. They sat there for a while, until Jester spoke up.

“Beau, what do you do when you get angry? Like really angry?” 

“I either find someone to punch or find someone to fuck. Or get drunk. Or fuck it, all three.” Beau replied. Jester said nothing, thinking deeply. Beau looked down to meet her eyes.

“I uh. I don’t think that’s what you should do, though. It’s not exactly the healthiest coping mechanism, I guess.” Jester could see a whisper of shame in Beau’s eyes as she spoke, and Jester frowned.

“It sounds healthier than fighting those remorhaz things, or fighting a white dragon…” Jester said quietly. Beau sighed against her ear, and Jester felt that heat morph from anger into something...nicer.

“I can’t argue with you there.” Beau said. Jester pulled back more and kept her hands on Beau’s waist as she looked up to drink in her expression. Beau looked...not uncomfortable. Flustered, maybe?

“Well,” Jester began, “I still think alcohol is gross...and we’ve only been in this city for a few hours, so I probably shouldn’t start any fights. Can’t keep you all from dying if I’m in jail, you know…”

Beau tensed under Jester’s fingertips.

“Ah. Well, you know, I’m sure there are like. Um. Brothel’s here, maybe? I’ve been meaning to find one myself. Um. You could go let off some steam-” Jester pressed a heated kiss to Beau’s rambling lips and gently dragged her claws down her bare stomach. Beau made a whiny noise Jester had never heard from her before. As Jester pulled away, Beau chased her with closed eyes. Their foreheads pressed together as they caught their breath. 

“Jessie.”

“Beau.”

“.... _ please _ .” Beau whispered the word like it was a prayer for only Jester’s pointed ears to hear. Jester nuzzled under Beau’s jaw and pressed a soft kiss to her pulse point.

“Please what, Beau?” Beau gasped as Jester’s hands skirt higher, against her ribs.

“Please, want this as much as I do…” She begged. Jester’s pressed another kiss to the junction of Beau’s neck and shoulder, and hummed.  _ Did she want this?,  _ she thought. 

_ I think I do,  _ Beau moaned as Jester nipped at her shoulder with sharp incisors,  _ I know I do.  _

_ Just for tonight. _

Jester pushed Beau onto her back and pinned her arms above her, then straddled her waist. 

“I want this, Beau.”

“Yeah…?”

“Yes.” Jester felt Beau’s hardness twitch against the inside of her thigh.

“Okay. Okay. Me too.”

X-x-X

Beau walked a little funny the next day, but Jester seemed to be the only one that noticed. She had to admit she felt a little better, but she also felt a little guilty. What if Beau hadn’t wanted to? Would she have said something? Beau seemed like the type who would...but Beau also seemed the type who hated wearing dresses and sharing a room with people. 

Jester felt herself thinking in circles as they journeyed throughout Uthodurn in search of the blacksmith that made Caduceus’ sword. Despite the cupcakes she’d managed to acquire (and the cute baker that made them), the anxiety was back, and she could feel the anger was starting to simmer. She was angry at herself. The mote of control she’d had over her emotions was slipping. She was angry at herself for getting angry and it was so  _ stupid _ -

She bumped into someone. A step back and head tilt upward had Jester catching eyes with Beau. 

“Oh, sorry, Beau. I was distracted.” Jester smiled, but she could tell it didn’t reach her eyes. Beau glanced over her shoulder to where the others were 20 or so feet ahead. She looked back to Jester, then leaned down to press a tender kiss to her forehead. 

“Everything is ok, Jess. Get out of your own head, alright?” Beau whispered. Jester smiled again, this time more genuine.

“Okay. Sorry.” Beau wrapped an arm around Jester’s waist and lead her forward back to the group.

“You don’t have to apologize, Jess.”

“Not even for the bite mark on your thigh thats been making you walk funny?”

“Especially not for that.” Beau grins.

X-x-X

Reani was a literal ray of sunshine, a literal  _ angel _ , and Jester felt...a little jealous. She knew that wasn’t fair to the Aasimar. Reani did nothing wrong, she was kind and beautiful and  _ good _ . She reminded Jester of who she used to be, when she’d left Nicodranas. Hell, Reani was even from Nicodranas, too! She’d even seen Jester’s mama before she was born! Jester had the Traveler and Reani had her guardian angel guy! She was super helpful with getting the Iceflex from the Geledon the Nightmare in Ivory! Which is a horrifying name, but fitting, Jester decided. He was pretty nightmarish. 

So, as they made their way back to Caduceus’ volcano after dropping Reani off in Uthodurn,  _ why  _ was Jester angry again? Was she really that petty? She didn’t think so. Maybe...maybe it’s because Reani was an angel, like Yasha? An angel that clearly had a higher beings guidance and protection? Jester crossed her arms and nibbled at her thumb nail.  _ It wasn’t fair _ .

Ah. That was it.

Jester was angry because Yasha was so soft and kind and earnest, and apparently the higher powers that blessed Reani with guidance and protection didn’t do the same for Yasha. Or if they did, not very fucking well. Because Yasha’s mind was gone. Jester wondered if Yasha had to watch as her body refused to respond, or if she was like...unconscious. 

Jester hoped it was the latter. To have someone control her body like that, manipulated and used for the very thing you hate-

Jester closed her eyes and took a deep breath, and tried to clear her mind. This wasn’t helping. 

Her fist clenched at her side, and she felt her jaw tense. 

No, it definitely wasn’t helping. 

Suddenly, Jester felt something thin and smooth slip into her hand. She opened her eyes and found in her palm, a stem of small, light blue flowers with a yellow center. She recognized them as forget-me-nots.

Jester looked to the person beside her and saw Beau smilingly sadly at her, and putting another stem of the flowers in her journal. 

Jester had seen Beau be tender before, perks of being her...whatever they were, currently, but mostly roommate. This was a whole different level, though. Jester felt the anger melt away into soft adoration. 

Beau closed the book and placed it back into her pack, then placed a hand on Jester’s shoulder and squeezed. 

X-x-X

Jester didn’t think they’d run into Yasha so soon after the King’s Cage, but here she was at the Xhorhaus. They’d gotten home after reforging the Star Razer, and Dairon had welcomed them back.

“The big goth one has returned, by the way. Yasha. She said she would be in her bedroom.” Dairon had said, but Jester and Beau were already halfway up the stairs before she finished speaking. When they flung the door open, both women froze in place. 

Yasha was there on her knees, and her back to the door. Magician’s Judge was still strapped to her back, and the Skingorger was laid flat in front of her. She made no motion to get up, but they saw her head lift ever so slightly. 

“H-hey...Yash?” Beau took a step forward, and suddenly Yasha was on her feet, facing them, and the Skingorger was carving down Beau’s chest and stomach in a long arc. Jester heard herself scream Yasha’s name in rage, felt her handaxe dig into the Barbarian’s shoulder, but it all felt disembodied,  _ dissociated _ . 

Yasha’s face was blank, that same thousand yard stare that had been there before. She didn’t even flinch as Jester pulled her hand axe away. The Orphanmaker swung once more, this time slicing into Jester’s side. 

Jester shouted back, her vision going red as spikes of ice floated into the air around her before plunging into the Orphanmaker’s arms and chest. This time, there was a grunt. Jester hardly noticed the pain.

“Snap OUT of it, Yasha!” She yelled. Beau stumbled back to a fighting stance as their blood dripped into the floorboards of Yasha’s room. Beau went for a punch, 

“I’m sorry”, the blow glanced off the Orphanmaker’s chin as all the air fled Beau’s lungs at the sounds of Yasha’s voice. Jester felt tears drip off her chin. 

_ She  _ ** _is_ ** _ trapped in there! _

Beau steadied herself and punched again and again, and Jester could tell Beau was trying to stun her, but the Orphanmaker just shook it off. Jester swung her axe again, but she stepped out of the way and raised the Skingorger over her head. She brought it down on Beau. Beau jumped to the side, and as the Orphanmaker swung again, Jester knew Beau wouldn’t be quick enough. 

The Skingorger sank deeply into Beau’s waist, and Jester watched in horror as green fluid ate away at the skin around the wound. Beau cried out and stumbled as the blade was torn from her side. Jester sprinted to Beau’s side to steady her, and swung once more with her hand axe. The Orphanmaker growled, and took an unsteady step back. Jester could hear the other’s coming up the stairs. _What _**_took_** _so fucking long?!_

Beau tried to swing at the Orphanmaker again, but her wounds pulled and suddenly Beau was on the ground groaning in pain. 

“Beau!” Jester leaned down to heal her, and-

And suddenly she can’t breathe. There’s a sharp pain in her gut, and she knows it should hurt more than it does but she’s never been so angry in her entire life.  ** _This isn’t fair!_ **

The Skingorger was removed from Jester’s torso with a spray of blood, and she cried out as it tore into her back 

“Yasha, please!” She screamed as she cradled Beau to her chest. “Remember Zuala!”

Jester watches Yasha freeze.

“...Zuala?”

Jester could see the barest hint of recognition in those mismatched eyes. Strong, pale arms visibly trembled with restraint. 

“...Jester, I-” Yasha gasped in pain as spidery blackness throbbed under the skin of her face. The Skingorger fell from her hands as the Barbarian fell to a knee and clutched at her head. 

The door behind Jester and Beau slammed shut and locked with a quiet  _ click _ , and a familiar figure stepped into view. 

“Now, now, Orphanmaker. You knew better than that. We’ll have to discuss this violation of orders in  _ private _ I think.” Obann sneered as he pressed his clawed nails into Yasha’s shoulder. 

Yasha gave out an almost imperceptible whimper, and Jester screamed in anger and swiped at the fiend with claws of her own. They dug deep into his thigh and he grunted in annoyance. That pissed Jester the  _ fuck off. _ She could hear the others banging on the door behind her. 

Jester flinched as the fiend slapped her. 

“Next time I see you, bloodkin, I will be sure to make you suffer.” Before Jester could reply, there was a flash of red light, and Obann and Yasha were gone. 

The door broke down behind her, but she barely registered it, or the healing spells Caduceus poured into her and Beau. 

All she could think about wasObann. 

And how good it felt to sink her claws into his flesh.

How good it will feel when she gets to tear them into his throat. 

Thunder rumbles in the distance.

X-x-X

Jester had a harder time controlling the rage after that. It would come at random times. 

Dinner time at the Xhorhaus, she shattered one of Caduceus tea cups in her hand. She doesn’t feel the wounds it caused, but she watched her infernal blood drip into the tabletop. 

Drawing in her sketchbook for the traveler, she’d broken several pencils in her grasp. Almost every image is of Obann, and her claws in his throat. 

Sparring Beau in the rain while camped on their way to the last known location of the Laughing Hand, she punched Beau so hard in the chest that the monk coughed blood. 

That time, she tried to run, to hide. She found a tree with a thick trunk, and slid to the ground behind it, and  _ cried _ , because she loves Beau and she just hurt her because she  _ needed _ to hurt something. The tears mixed in with the rain.

Jester had never felt so  _ lost _ . 

A warm arm wrapped around her shoulders.

“My child...I’m so sorry that you are hurting like this.” The Traveler hummed as he wiped the tears from Jester’s cheeks. “How can I help?”

“Bring Yasha home.” Jester demanded. The Traveler frowned.

“I am afraid she is beyond my grasp, my dear. I can’t help with this. I’m sorry-”

“Bullshit! Aren’t you supposed to be a god?! Why won’t you help?!” Jester yelled as she stood. 

“I am not as powerful as the others, Jester. You know this. I worry the Stormlord would not appreciate me meddling in his affairs.” There was a turse edge to the Traveler’s voice Jester had never heard before, and she swallowed down her anxiety. 

“Then can’t you ask  _ him _ to help her?” Jester whispered. The Traveler sighed and crossed his arms. 

“I get the sense he is doing his best.” 

“...I think...I think I don’t want to talk right now, Traveler.” Jester said quietly.The Traveler’s frown deepened, but he nodded anyway.

“As you wish, my child.”

Jester felt him leave more than saw it, and the tears began once more. 

It wasn’t long before a more solid arm was wrapped around her shoulders, equally familiar. 

“It’s okay, Jessie. It was an accident. We’ve done worse to each other.” Beau said as she guided Jester to sit against the tree with her. Jester sniffled. 

“I lost control this time though, Beau.” Jester replied. Beau hummed and rubbed her thumb soothingly into her shoulder. 

“I’m gonna teach you something the monks taught me. I don’t ever use it because I suck at healthy coping mechanisms, but I think you could use it.” Beau tugged Jester until she was sitting with her back to Beau’s front, and Beau rested her head on Jester’s shoulder.

“It’s called the 5-4-3-2-1 technique. It sounds dumb, but uh. The few times I’ve tried it, it’s helped. So first, I want you to tell me 5 things you can see. First things that come to mind.” Beau said. She kept her voice low enough only Jester can hear. Jester clears her throat and looks around. 

“A tree, a bush, a moth...my boots,” Jester turned to look at Beau, “and you.”

“Good. Now, tell me 4 things you can feel.” 

“The breeze, a root under my calf, um. Your hands. Your breath.” Jester could feel herself starting to calm, if only slightly, as Beau chuckled.

“You’re doin’ good, Jess. Can tell me 3 things you can hear?” 

“The rustle of leaves, the stream over there and...and an owl.” Jester leaned back into Beau a little more. 

“Good. 2 things you can smell?”

“Lavender and Sandalwood.”

“And now one thing you can taste.” Beau said.

Jester turned her head and pressed a soft kiss to Beau’s lips, then pulled away with a happy smile.

“You. Thank you, Beau.” Jester said. Beau hummed in reply, eyes shutting in content. 

“So...the monk’s taught you that?” Jester asked. 

“Yeah...when I first started training, and they first hit me with staff, I had a panic attack. It uh. It brought up some less than great memories.” Beau swallowed hard.

“Oh. I’m sorry, Beau.” 

“S’okay.”

Jester took a deep breath and closed her eyes as she relaxed fully against Beau’s torso. There was a quiet meow, a few feet away.

“We’re alright, Caleb. We’ll make our way back in a bit.” Beau said. The cat made what sounded like an affirmative ‘mrrp’, then climbed to curl up in Jester’s lap. 

Jester knew she was hurting. She knew it was going to be hard to heal. 

How silly she was, for thinking it was something she’d have to do alone. 

X-x-X

The rain and thunder had followed them, it seemed. Every rumble echoed across the sky like a warcry, and Jester felt it in her bones. The Laughing Hand was gone; nothing but a pile of flesh, cut into again and again until the mouths consumed themselves. Obann had regained control of Yasha. Fjord and Beau were keeping her occupied until Jester could sneak up behind her while Caleb, Nott and Caduceus focused on Obann.

It wasn’t too difficult to do with the others drawing the fire, so as soon as she spotted an opening, Jester pressed her hands to Yasha’s back and poured as much restorative magic as she possibly could through her palms. The divine light crawled and weaved over itself as it trailed to Yasha’s head. 

The holy light seeped into Yasha’s temples, and Jester gasped as she saw a faint ring of light hover over Yasha’s head. 

“No!” Jester heard Obann yell before a blinding flash of bright, white light sent her and the others skidding several feet back. 

Yasha hovered above where she previously stood, and she was  _ glowing _ . Her hair was solid white, and matched the glow of her eyes and halo, but most noticeable, most  _ beautiful _ , was the massive expanse that were her white feathered wings. 

“ ** _YOU_ ** .” Yasha’s voice seemed to echo in on itself as she spoke to where Obann flew only a few feet away. With a powerful beat of her wings, Yasha cleared the distance between them and flew even higher than him, before dive bombing the fiend with a rage filled battle cry. The blade cleaved into him with a flash of divine light and together they slammed into the ground in a shower of rocks and dust.

As the dust settled, Jester could see Yasha standing above Obann, with her sword buried into his chest to the hilt. 

“I-I will return, Orphanmaker…” The fiend choked out through the gurgle of blood.

“ ** _And I will be waiting, demon._ ** ” Yasha replied. Obann’s last breath rattled in his chest and then...stillness. 

Jester’s feet seemed to move faster than her brain, because the next thing she knew her face is buried in Yasha’s shoulder and they’re 30 feet up in the air and Yasha was  _ laughing _ . They both were truly and honestly laughing, and crying and hugging each other so tight, the other felt like they might break. 

“Yasha..!” 

“ ** _I’m here, Jester. I’m home._ ** ” 

“I love you, Yasha.” Jester said, and she worried that maybe it was too much, but then Yasha grinned the biggest grin Jester had ever seen on her.

“ ** _I love you, too, Jester._ ** ” She said back. Yasha pressed a nervous kiss to her cheek, and it was such a small thing but it made Jester’s heart soar. 

“You’re hair is very pretty like this.”

“ ** _You think so?_ ** ”

“Oh, definitely. You’re like, super hot right now. I bet Beau is like, super jealous.” Jester giggled. 

“ _ HEY, YASH! IF I GIVE YOU FIVE GOLD CAN I GO NEXT?!”  _ Beau yelled from below them. Jester laughed as Yasha grinned and adjusted her grip on Jester before dive bombing toward Beau. Jester was set on the ground carefully and Beau was swooped up in Yasha’s arms in one smooth transition. Jester laughed harder as she heard Beau whoop in the distance. 

X-x-X

It wasn’t unusual, after they got Yasha back, for Yasha to sneak her way into Beau and Jester’s room, or vice versa. Jester had jokingly dubbed her and Beau’s room as the “fun” room, for the nights they just wanted to be together because they could, and the level of physical activity was usually a little higher. Yasha’s room tended to be the “comfort” room. If one of them was hurting, or scared, or just needing, well, Comfort, then they’d go to Yasha’s room. The blood had long been scrubbed from the floorboards, and the flower mural had been touched up since their return. 

This night though, they found themselves in neither room. No, this evening, they were in the training room, where they had been since after dinner. Beau was sitting on the sidelines as Yasha and Jester each wielded a wooden sword. Jester could feel that familiar rage pumping in her veins, and she could see it in Yasha, too. 

They weren’t angry at each other. Jester wasn’t even sure that was possible. No, they were angry  _ for _ each other, the rage channeled from the primal urge to protect each other, no matter what. To protect Beau, no matter what. To protect the  _ Mighty Nein _ , no matter what. 

Yasha and Jester sparred until the rage had faded, and they were battered and bruised. Beau sat beside where they both lay in the sand pit and handed them each a waterskin. 

“That was just, unfairly hot. Like. Damn, dude.” Beau huffed.

“How do you think we feel when you catch arrows mid air?” Yasha laughed.

“Or make backflips look easy?” Jester added. 

“Alright, alright, I get it. We’re all hot as fuck.” Beau said in mock exasperation. 

Yasha grabbed her chin and pulled her into a tender kiss, then pulled away with a sly grin. 

“Correct.” 

Beau’s face darkened several shades, and she shifted where she sat. Jester stood and stretched languidly. 

“Sooo...fun room?” She suggested.

“Mhmm”

“Yes.”

The three made their way upstairs, thankfully dodging Caduceus this time, and retired for the night within the privacy of their room. 


End file.
